The Coquette*

The Coquette California Ballot Measure Guide

Yes on 30 - Taxes to Fund Education - This is a piece of shit tax increase from a piece of shit governor, but if it doesn’t pass, California schools will descend into post-apocalyptic chaos, so it gets a reluctant yes.

Fuck it on 31 - The State Budget - Vote yes or no, it doesn’t matter, because everyone still takes it in the ass. This is a perfect example of why California’s system of direct voting by ballot measure is a fucking joke. Average citizens have no business dealing with this mess. We have representative government for this very reason.

No on 32 - Political Contributions by Payroll Deduction - This is some sneaky, evil shit. They say it’s to stop organizations from using paycheck money for political purposes, but it’s really just the one-percenters trying to cut the knees out from under the last remaining political power structure available to the working class. It’s the worst kind of political skullduggery, and if you vote yes, you’re an asshole.

No on 33 - Auto Insurance - The chairman of a major insurance company is spending a ton of money to change the laws about auto insurance. Hmm. I wonder who that will benefit.

Yes on 34 - End the Death Penalty - Other than voting for Obama, this is the single most wonderful thing I get to vote for on Election Day. Fuck the death penalty. Citizens who grant the state a right to kill them are idiots.

Whatever on 35 - Human Trafficking - This proposition is fluff. It’s bullshit window dressing that won’t put a dent in human trafficking. But hey, if it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, feel free to vote for it. Whatever.

Yes on 36 - Three Strikes Law - The three strikes law has always been ridiculous, and this is a baby step in the right direction towards abolishing it.

No on 37 - Genetically Modified Food Labels - This stupid hippie shit is the reason other states make fun of us.

No on 38 - Tax to Fund Education and Early Childhood Programs - This is the rich bitch alternative to Prop 30. They both suck, but this one sucks worse.

Yes on 39 - Multistate Business Tax Break - This closes a tax break loophole for out-of-state businesses. In other words, “fuck ‘em where they live.”

Yes on 40 - Senate Redistricting - The only people spending money to fight this are butthurt Republicans. ‘Nuf said.