My BFF brought her annoying vegan work friend to our sushi dinner. This crunchy cunt is currently complaining about the five extra minutes she spent in the express aisle at Whole Foods trying to buy her quinoa lunch.
Bitch, please. Nobody cares. Especially since we just found out that one of my BFF’s bridesmaids had to move back in with her mom after finding her boyfriend foaming at the mouth from an overdose. He lived, but now he’s in rehab and his house is in foreclosure.
According to some asshole at a PR firm, today is supposedly the most depressing day of the year. There’s a stupid formula involving the weather, debt, and time since the holidays, but it always adds up to one of the later Mondays in January.
Personally, I feel like shit because it’s also Martin Luther King Day, and I’m over here thinking about injustice and racism in the fog of my Golden Globe hangover. I can be such a shallow cunt sometimes.
Oh, and for the record, I still haven’t found my keys from, like, two months ago. There are so many doors I still can’t open.
There was a large group of ultra-orthodox jews on my flight this morning, each with a vast array of wacky hats. Some of the hats were big and fuzzy. Some of the hats were tiny and made of wood. None of the hats were allowed to touch the ground, so it took forever to board the damn plane.
Things started to get ridiculous when they refused to sit next to women. One of the dudes was assigned the seat next to mine, and he started having a shit fit. The flight attendant asked if I’d be willing to move. I told her hell no. If she wanted to move me to first class, fine, but if she tried to bump me anywhere else, I’d start ordering ham sandwiches for every hasid on the flight. I wasn’t about to get sent back to a middle seat because some weirdo’s imaginary friend in the sky thinks girls have cooties. Fuck that shit.
When it was all said and done, quite a few other women also refused to give up their seats. Rightly so. I’m all for religious tolerance, but that doesn’t mean anyone should have to be involuntarily subjected to a religion’s institutionalized sexist bullshit.
And for the record, if that group had been a bunch of muslim fundamentalists instead of a bunch of jewish fundamentalists, I guarantee the airline wouldn’t have been nearly as accommodating.