August 2009
46 posts
1 tag
Dear Coke Talk,
I like the question asking why you are so bored. Why don’t you answer it? If you truly wanted to dismiss then why even publish it? Why are you so bored?
— Melissa
Of course you like that question. Based on your identical rudimentary syntax and arrogant abuse of the question mark, you’re the one who wrote it.
For everyone reading above a 5th grade level, it was obvious that I...
1 tag
Ask your coke dealer to start stocking clove... →
Just when you thought the world couldn’t get any more outrageously hypocritical, the authoritarian douche-tanks in DC have up and banned flavored ciggies.
For the record, this bill was sponsored by a republican from Marlboro Country, so don’t kid yourself into thinking it will have any effect on public health. All this restriction will do is frustrate pretentious euro-trash and make a...
“We cannot be more sensitive to pleasure without being more sensitive to pain.”
– Alan Watts
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Dear Coke Talk,
Do you ever find that a million cigarettes and interminable hours of retarded conversation about absolutely nothing makes the next morning way worse than anything your DARE Officer said Coke would do to you?
I loved my big coke days, but it was the Nat Shermans and quantum physics conversations with avant-garde artists and sex workers that ended up making me quit.
How do you maintain?
After...
Cocaine Contaminates Majority of U.S. Currency →
The media is so biased. Cocaine doesn’t contaminate the majority of U.S. currency — it adds zest to it.
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Coke Talk of the Day
I just spent a long, decadent weekend in Malibu celebrating the birthdays of four very close friends. I don’t know why I always end up surrounded by Leos, but a suspiciously large cluster of my inner-circle was born in mid-August.
One of the birthday boys made a shit ton of dot-com cash back in the day, so he and his wife have a ridiculous house at the very tip-top of Las Flores Canyon....
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People who use "concierge" as an adjective or...
New York men have higher sperm counts and better...
Better weather and less chance of getting knocked up? Yeah, I’ll take Los Angeles.
And by the way, you don’t have to be a medical expert to know a little something about East Coast jizz versus West Coast jizz.
I’m willing to bet that this has less to do with environmental factors and more to do with a biological function of population density. Pack a fuck ton of men into a...
“If you’re off to meet your rainbow connection, please get a quarter ounce of...”
– Sarah Silverman
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"We auditioned a lot of people,” says Colette... →
“It is incredibly difficult to find beautiful, talented, funny women over 35 willing to play a nagging one-dimensional twit on a painfully boring show built entirely out of middle-brow cliche and one lousy big dick joke,” I think is what she was trying to say before swallowing her fucking foot.
And what the fuck, Colette? Anne Heche is neither talented nor funny. Actually, she’s...
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Dear Coke Talk,
“Are you really as glamorous as you seem, or rather, are you some 45 year old man with back hair like a fur rug, with a fetish for the imaginary?” — cunttasteslikepie
Yeah, I’m pretty fucking glamorous. I don’t shit glitter or anything, but all this stuff is true.
“What do you do for a living? I’m so curious about you.” — Lil
I’m pretty...
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Dear Coke Talk,
“Where/how did you get so wise? I don’t mean that ironically. In concrete terms, please.”
Well, it sure as fuck wasn’t in church.
I’m not quite sure how to answer this really, because accepting the premise of the question makes me kind of a douche. Not that I’m one for false humility. I’ll happily admit that my IQ is higher than giraffe pussy, but wisdom...
